The hidden world is a dream.

There are some days where I feel like you aren’t happy being with me.

It was pretty fucking wonderful to see Loretta tonight… I’m happy.

Everything…is becoming…”normal” I guess…

Loretta’s back in my life…and so is my Grandma, who I still don’t like but…she’s family and I mean, it made my Mom happy so whatever.

I feel…lighter. I bitched and ranted and cried to people who never listen and told a few people off who I am better off without.

But he keeps visiting me in my dreams. Well there are two of them- Nick and Seth. Seth…I haven’t thought about him in forever. And then out of the blue, he calls, and we talk for two hours on the phone. “I love you. I miss you.” Whatever. He’s told me this before and I still don’t believe it…
Nick has visited my dreams every night for the past four nights. He’s been trying to talk to me at school and in my dreams he seems frantic and scared and I have no idea what’s going on but I refuse to speak to him, to let him back into my life. To do that, would mean to let the demons come back. He brought out something evil in me that I really don’t like…Honestly, I’m scared of him.

He’s the reason I don’t date otakus. Why I didn’t date Bobby pretty much. They were way too much alike…which could explain how short my friendship with Bobby was. We talked, got together for a little bit and there were too many flashbacks and fighting with my head and heart and demons. I hate my demons and I don’t want them out because I finally locked them back in.

Like here’s a way to explain it in video game nerd terms.

Nick is the Sephiroth to my Cloud pretty much. That a good explanation? Yeah I think so…

I’m happy. I really am.

Talking to you doesn’t make me happy because all you do is fake your happiness. It’s really irritating. If “sorry” isn’t good enough for you, then I give up. If you’re expecting me to leave Mike for you, then you’re out of luck, boy. Cause I’m happy with him.

Yeah maybe I used you, but you knew it from the beginning. I told you I didn’t want anything serious with you. I feel like I made a mistake with you and maybe I did.

I guess this means we’re through.

And at first, I’m really happy for you because I think ‘hey maybe you found someone else thats good for you’.

But nope. It just kinda turns out that your “Babe” is some video game you’ve been playing.

/deepsigh

Katie you need to calm yo tits qurl.

And stop leaving marks on your boyfriend before his mom starts hating you.

Whoops. Way to go Mike.

Be glad Mom isn’t home. ;;

You know I feel pretty good about talking to Loretta again actually. I’ve missed her a lot… it’s nice to talk to her again.

Are we really going through with this?

I don’t know what to do with you.

I worry about you a lot, you know. I feel like you’re destroying your sanity because of me. Because I didn’t like you back. And I know you want to stay friends but I don’t know if that can happen if you still like me.
I’m positively terrified to hang out with you because I don’t know what would happen. Would we just talk and play video games? Would you try to kiss me? I just don’t know and it scares me.

Maybe I’m being selfish but I think that we shouldn’t talk until you get over me.

“You’re just another evil ex waiting to happen.”